So here's the news I'd been alluding to for most of this month.
At the end of October I was diagnosed with stomach cancer. It sucks, not just because it's cancer, but because it's the second cancer I've been diagnosed with in as many years. There's possibly something going on at the genetic level, we're looking into that, but in the meantime… Well, I'm just trying to get through my treatment one step at a time (though sometimes those steps are in a bit of a rush).
Though last year's endometrial cancer was no joke, quite bluntly, dealing with stomach cancer is going to be much longer and more involved. I didn't need chemotherapy last year. This year I do. I'm going to be on chemo for eight weeks, surgery, and then eight weeks of chemo again afterwards.
Needless to say, this upended a number of plans I had for my personal life, from participating in this year's NaNoWriMo to seeing my new niece, and it really sucks that this is happening during covid since the chemo is going to render me immunocompromised.
For the next 5-6 months I expect to be not quite myself as I'll likely be fatigued, possibly nauseous, and dealing with other side effects from chemo. I hope to keep blogging during this time though as it brings me a lot of joy and the doctors are encouraging me to keep up my normal activities as much as possible.
Some of you reached out to help me with my cancer treatment last year, for which I am still deeply appreciative. At this point I don't know what the eventual damage will be since I'm early in treatment and most of the bills are still to come, so I don't need help at this time. And to be honest, I feel a little bad at the thought of asking again. But if it gets to that point, I'll say something.
And I would like to add something on a related note. If you happen to be a writer eligible for SFWA, an event like this is a good reason to become a member. Their Emergency Medical Fund helped a lot last year. It wasn't even close to the top of the list of reasons why I joined, but turned out to be well worth the cost of membership.
Monday, November 30, 2020
Monday, November 23, 2020
Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!
May you and yours be safe this holiday. Personally, I'll be holed up and mostly virtual this coming weekend.
I was hoping for more to say this Monday, but this past month has been rough and I'm not quite ready to share with everyone, but that will likely happen in the near future. In fact, probably next week. It's just I don't want to break the news on one platform (my blog) and not have companion messaging ready on Twitter/Facebook/Curious Fictions/Ko-fi so no one feels left out.
In the meantime I'm trying to keep my spirits up and stay busy. And I hope to have some writing to share next month as well!
I was hoping for more to say this Monday, but this past month has been rough and I'm not quite ready to share with everyone, but that will likely happen in the near future. In fact, probably next week. It's just I don't want to break the news on one platform (my blog) and not have companion messaging ready on Twitter/Facebook/Curious Fictions/Ko-fi so no one feels left out.
In the meantime I'm trying to keep my spirits up and stay busy. And I hope to have some writing to share next month as well!
Monday, November 16, 2020
Attack on Titan: Not What Anyone Thought the Finale Would Be
Since Attack on Titan Chapter 134 came out, it's become fairly apparent that the final showdown is underway and the series will probably end within the next four chapters (around 138). It might be possible to stretch it beyond that, but there's so little left to explore, and if anyone had said at the start of the series that we'd be where we are now, I wouldn't have believed them.
Spoilers up to Chapter 134 from here on out. This is much farther than the anime series has broadcast, as of this writing.
I'd written before how Attack on Titan has been willing to change tone and genre and by and large its fan base has stuck with it even as it moved from being a grimdark fantasy to a more modern setting with trains, airships, and bowler hats. We know the truth about the titans, we know the truth about the world. It's not anything that anyone would have predicted given the incredibly limited knowledge the characters (and thus the audience) had about their world, but we got to make the discovery along with them.
When our protagonist, Eren, looks out at the sea in Chapter 90 and wonders if the island of Paradis will finally be free if they can get rid of all the people across the ocean who want to kill them, most readers can see it as a shift from his original determination to kill all the titans to wanting to kill the people responsible for tormenting the island with titans in the first place. And until that point, the people of Marley are portrayed as uniformly racist so there's not much reason to sympathize with them. Eren and company trade one set of antagonists for another.
But then things get complicated.
Being human, it turns out that Marleyans (and the people of other countries) are not uniformly racist. Sure, a lot are, and to varying degrees, but not everybody.
The Survey Corps tries to discretely find allies in the greater world, but they don't have a lot of luck. The island is too useful to the rest of the world as a scapegoat. Sure, some people of their Eldian ethnic group are to be pitied for being burdened by the sins of their ancestors, but not those folks on the island.
A lot of this is made more complicated by the circumstances under which the island came to be isolated in the first place, which I won't go into.
All of this leads to Eren's dilemma. He wants to protect the island he grew up on, but doing so in a world with many countries and many people would be a complicated endeavor with no guarantee for a lasting success. And he's not willing to shoot for anything less than a guarantee, which is bad.
Most of this final story arc has been told through the perspective of characters other than Eren, which is unusual since he's been our protagonist for the majority of the series. This is done specifically so the reader does not understand what Eren is doing or why until it becomes apparent that he intends to commit genocide in order to ensure that the islanders are never attacked again. Only by being so thorough that no survivor is left who could even contemplate revenge, can he be certain Paradis will be safe.
He doesn't make any bones about it, and he's upfront with his friends that he will fight them if they try to stop him. It's possible that he has a hidden agenda beyond what it looks like on the surface, but these past few chapters Eren has killed a lot of people in his purge (to the tune of using hundreds of thousands of titans to flatten civilization) so even if he has something else in mind, genocide isn't a bluff.
The reader isn't expected to agree with Eren, in fact nearly every other major character is on board to stop him. Chapter 134 ends with his friends and former enemies launching an combined attack against him in order to save the world. He's lost the moral high ground that most protagonists would keep, so I can't help wondering what the point of all this is.
Going back to my original thought for this post, I wouldn't have imagined this at the start of the series, and though it could be considered a natural progression for a character who's always been obsessed about killing every last one of his enemies (it was more acceptable when they were mindless monsters), it's not a symapthetic one. So why is this happening? Why take the protagonist down such a distant and dangerous route?
It might not be possible to answer that until after the series concludes, but I think the best Eren can hope to come out of this is by doing this intentionally to unite the world against him, so a combined team made of both people on the island and those abroad can defeat him, making it clear that the world has more to gain by working together than tearing each other apart. It would not redeem him, considering how many lives he's taken already, including those of children who he knows have nothing to do with his current grievances, but at least it would give him a more noble purpose beyond murdering most of the world just in case they might eventually hurt his remaining friends and homeland.
Personally, I'm not looking for Eren to be redeemed, and I feel like I already have the answer as to why he's doing what he's doing. I don't think he has an alternate agenda. His motives are what it says on the tin. There are arguably a lot of steps he skipped before deciding genocide is the only answer, but I don't doubt that he believes he's doing the appropriate thing, and series creator Hajime Isayama spends a lot of time making sure the reader understands that what Eren is doing is reprehensible. So the only question for me then, is why does Isayama want to go this route?
Spoilers up to Chapter 134 from here on out. This is much farther than the anime series has broadcast, as of this writing.
I'd written before how Attack on Titan has been willing to change tone and genre and by and large its fan base has stuck with it even as it moved from being a grimdark fantasy to a more modern setting with trains, airships, and bowler hats. We know the truth about the titans, we know the truth about the world. It's not anything that anyone would have predicted given the incredibly limited knowledge the characters (and thus the audience) had about their world, but we got to make the discovery along with them.
When our protagonist, Eren, looks out at the sea in Chapter 90 and wonders if the island of Paradis will finally be free if they can get rid of all the people across the ocean who want to kill them, most readers can see it as a shift from his original determination to kill all the titans to wanting to kill the people responsible for tormenting the island with titans in the first place. And until that point, the people of Marley are portrayed as uniformly racist so there's not much reason to sympathize with them. Eren and company trade one set of antagonists for another.
But then things get complicated.
Being human, it turns out that Marleyans (and the people of other countries) are not uniformly racist. Sure, a lot are, and to varying degrees, but not everybody.
The Survey Corps tries to discretely find allies in the greater world, but they don't have a lot of luck. The island is too useful to the rest of the world as a scapegoat. Sure, some people of their Eldian ethnic group are to be pitied for being burdened by the sins of their ancestors, but not those folks on the island.
A lot of this is made more complicated by the circumstances under which the island came to be isolated in the first place, which I won't go into.
All of this leads to Eren's dilemma. He wants to protect the island he grew up on, but doing so in a world with many countries and many people would be a complicated endeavor with no guarantee for a lasting success. And he's not willing to shoot for anything less than a guarantee, which is bad.
Most of this final story arc has been told through the perspective of characters other than Eren, which is unusual since he's been our protagonist for the majority of the series. This is done specifically so the reader does not understand what Eren is doing or why until it becomes apparent that he intends to commit genocide in order to ensure that the islanders are never attacked again. Only by being so thorough that no survivor is left who could even contemplate revenge, can he be certain Paradis will be safe.
He doesn't make any bones about it, and he's upfront with his friends that he will fight them if they try to stop him. It's possible that he has a hidden agenda beyond what it looks like on the surface, but these past few chapters Eren has killed a lot of people in his purge (to the tune of using hundreds of thousands of titans to flatten civilization) so even if he has something else in mind, genocide isn't a bluff.
The reader isn't expected to agree with Eren, in fact nearly every other major character is on board to stop him. Chapter 134 ends with his friends and former enemies launching an combined attack against him in order to save the world. He's lost the moral high ground that most protagonists would keep, so I can't help wondering what the point of all this is.
Going back to my original thought for this post, I wouldn't have imagined this at the start of the series, and though it could be considered a natural progression for a character who's always been obsessed about killing every last one of his enemies (it was more acceptable when they were mindless monsters), it's not a symapthetic one. So why is this happening? Why take the protagonist down such a distant and dangerous route?
It might not be possible to answer that until after the series concludes, but I think the best Eren can hope to come out of this is by doing this intentionally to unite the world against him, so a combined team made of both people on the island and those abroad can defeat him, making it clear that the world has more to gain by working together than tearing each other apart. It would not redeem him, considering how many lives he's taken already, including those of children who he knows have nothing to do with his current grievances, but at least it would give him a more noble purpose beyond murdering most of the world just in case they might eventually hurt his remaining friends and homeland.
Personally, I'm not looking for Eren to be redeemed, and I feel like I already have the answer as to why he's doing what he's doing. I don't think he has an alternate agenda. His motives are what it says on the tin. There are arguably a lot of steps he skipped before deciding genocide is the only answer, but I don't doubt that he believes he's doing the appropriate thing, and series creator Hajime Isayama spends a lot of time making sure the reader understands that what Eren is doing is reprehensible. So the only question for me then, is why does Isayama want to go this route?
Monday, November 9, 2020
My Top 5 Otome as of 2020
In the meantime, I hope to keep blogging as usual. So even though these posts will keep coming up, there may be a lot going on behind the scenes that you're not seeing.
That said, with last week's release of Cafe Enchante on the Switch, I realized that I'm starting to get backed up on otome games again. I was surprised since I thought I was putting a fair dent in my backlog, but it's mostly that my Vita backlog is dwindling, since Period Cube and Psychedelica of the Ashen Hawk are the only ones that remain of that generation. Switch is probably going to be the new home of backlog, as I already had Collar x Malice Unlimited waiting for me.
So I realized; otome has been out long enough that I've played a fair number now, and the English language audience has grown, from dozens of indie studios making PC games to a gaggle of mobile titles. I actually could put together a list of my favorites and it wouldn't simply be every game I've played.
This Top 5 list might be a bit biased, because quite frankly they're all Otomate titles, but Otomate also has the budget for art, voice acting, and sheer length of story that most indie studios can't match. It doesn't hurt that nearly every Otomate title that has an English translation has also been released by Aksys on consoles/handhelds, where there is minimal competition, especially in the realm of physical releases.
Without further ado, here's my Top 5:
5) Norn9: Var Commons
I had to think about this one. There were other runners-up, particularly indie titles Halloween Otome and The Blind Griffon, but when I thought about it, though those two indies were really fun, I wasn't emotionally moved the way I was with certain routes of Norn9. Norn9 certainly wasn't perfect, but what it did, it did well, and chances are you will like someone in the cast, even if it's not who you originally thought it would be. It's like a bag of jelly beans. You might not like every single bean in the bag, but there are enough of the good ones (assuming you like jelly beans) that it's still worth buying the bag in the first place.
Unfortunately, Norn9 was only ever released in the US on the PS Vita, so if you don't have the hardware, you're out of luck.
4) 7'scarlet
There's a part of me that's shocked 7'scarlet comes in at #4 because I really loved the mystery and how the supernatural lore unfolded with the completion of every route. I was never not engaged in trying to figure out the mystery of Okunezato for myself, but when I looked at its competition I realized that there are a few flaws that really bothered me; mainly the half-baked brother route at the end, but also that there were inconsistencies between routes (such as Sosuke's level of knowledge about the town secrets) that didn't make any sense. I also really don't like yandere romance options, and Isora tilts that way, though not badly enough that it affects my ranking.
Non-Vita gamers are in luck with this one, as it's also available on Steam.
3) Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly
This one is not a traditional otome in that the common route (with its own ending) is more or less the canon ending with everything else being either "in addition to" or "instead of." But since it's marketed as otome, I'm putting it here. As with 7'scarlet, I love the mystery elements of the story. The primary characters wake up in a mansion with no memories out how they got there, but the more they learn about their true circumstances, the more painful regaining their memories becomes. Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly gets its placement for having amazing plot twists and a non-linear method of storytelling to show how everything came to be. Romance is much weaker in this game than others due to the nature of it, but it's still a solid game.
Though it was initially released on Vita, it's also been ported to Steam!
2) Collar x Malice
There's a part of me that thinks I should have switched this with Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly, but Collar x Malice is pretty clearly an otome with more emphasis on the romance even though the player is also hunting down criminals with the help of a cop and/or private detectives. I really love that Ichika has a social life outside of her interactions with love interests, and especially that she has other women to both hang out with and back her up. The blend of action and romance was pitch perfect in this one. What prevents me from ranking it higher is the X-Day methodology on Shiraishi's route (which makes no sense compared to the other routes) and that I actually didn't like Shiraishi or Okazaki that much, and having two of five love interests not work for me was a little high.
This was originally a Vita release, but has since been ported to Switch. And the fan disk is out in English as well, though I haven't played it yet. If it's good enough, it might even change my mind about Shiraishi and Okazaki.
1) Code:Realize ~Guardian of Rebirth~
Okay, if you know me, the #1 pick wasn't going to be any surprise. I adore the Code:Realize series. Cardia is a lovely protagonist who grows over the course of the game. She's fully capable of facing bad guys with or without her man and the men themselves are a wonderful cast of characters. The group of them form a band of friends who work together, so the game is never just a one-on-one with Cardia and a pretty face. Many of the best moments are the guys interacting with each other, making them a full fledged cast of characters with lives outside the romance, and in turn, that makes the romance better, because when the chips are down it feels like the rest of the cast is 100% behind the couple. They're all friends. Why wouldn't they be? Add in a gorgeous steampunk London, hidden organizations, and the philosopher's stone and you've got quite a combination!
Code:Realize and its sequels were originally released on Vita, but have since come out on PS4 and Switch, with the exception of ~Wintertide Miracles~ on Switch, which isn't due until early 2021.
Monday, November 2, 2020
Not Doing NaNoWriMo This Year, Alas
Sometimes, it feels like fate has it out for you. And without going into details, just a few hours after my last post went live, I received news that made it clear that NaNoWriMo wasn't going to happen for me this year.
I'm likely to be busy in the first half of November, and probably out of commission in the second half, which means no room for writing on a regular schedule. That's too bad because I was looking forward to it, and it would have been my tenth year of participating in a row, but that's the way the cookie crumbles, and not making ten years in the row doesn't mean I'll never write another 50,000 words in a month.
I wish I had more to say at this point, but I'd like to wait until I have more information. I'm very detail-lite myself right now, other than the fact I know things are going to be rocky.
If you're inclined to offer prayers or good wishes, they'd be appreciated.
I'm likely to be busy in the first half of November, and probably out of commission in the second half, which means no room for writing on a regular schedule. That's too bad because I was looking forward to it, and it would have been my tenth year of participating in a row, but that's the way the cookie crumbles, and not making ten years in the row doesn't mean I'll never write another 50,000 words in a month.
I wish I had more to say at this point, but I'd like to wait until I have more information. I'm very detail-lite myself right now, other than the fact I know things are going to be rocky.
If you're inclined to offer prayers or good wishes, they'd be appreciated.
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